Jayne Green

Progress

2010-02-27T12:51:00.003-07:00

So, the job is six months in and I've learned that:

1. Case managers are DEFINITELY overworked and underpaid. (Ok, so I've heard that before, but now I belive it)

2. They value paper over people.

3. Some people, no matter how incompetent, will always have a job in social work.

4. Because of number 3 I definitely have a large degree of job security.

5. My boss, who is one mean old bitch, likes to play rough. By this I mean that I started this job trying sooooo hard not to be insubordinate. When I finally had had enough I emailed her to tell her what a mean old bitch she was and she praised me for it! I have to admit I love that. She took it like a champ and now she regularly sends out (non-sarcastic) emails to the site director telling him how well I'm doing.

6. Again, referring back to number 3: Computer skills are really not that important! Who knew? The lady whose horrific caseload I inherrited asked me one day, "How do you make a new file folder?" As in, "How do you create more than one folder in which to keep ALL of my hundreds of work files?" I helped her out and showed her a couple helpful tricks and a few months later she invited me to a sex toy party. So it's not that she isn't a nice lady (and more than a little freaky) it's just that she has no clue. I feel guilty for criticizing her for that. It really is my guilty pleasure to compare myself to her when my boss puts me down. I do realize how bitchy that is but ....well, no real excuse I guess. It just makes me feel better sometimes.

Anyhow, no more list points. Work is going well. The weeks just fly by. I can see how it could be completely possible to lose YEARS in a place like this. My next move is getting close. I'm going to start positioning myself for a promotion. I'm keeping all the emails that say all the numerous contributions I'm making etc. I wonder what the next step would be? There once was a title called "Clinical Liaison" That sounds nice....better than "Case Manager".

2009-11-22T15:51:00.003-07:00

Here I am again....almost two months into the new job. They've already switched my caseload once...which turned out to me a nightmare. I've never been an overachiever but I guess there's a first time for everything. I've been so excited and motivated that I've been kicking ass and taking names....which turned out to be the reason they switched me to the caseload that is only 8% current/updated. Thats 8% when the minimum acceptable percentage is 90. SHOOT ME. The lady that had the caseload before me has been sabotaging me along the way. So far 14 people showed up for one meeting that I was never told about. The next day I went to another meeting just to find out that nobody had been invited....and that was supposed to be my job. I went back to the other case manager and asked what happened. Her response was, "No, everything was set up I think...oh wait! OOPS! I forgot!"

Don't be depressed yet everyone...there are a number of positive points in this mess:

1. The only reason she's trying so hard to make me look bad is that she's no longer getting a free ride and she knows it.

2. They put me in charge because they are confident I can clean up this mess.

3. Despite all the stress and drama I am STILL excited about this job. I really am doing well and for the first time since I started thinking about what I wanted to be when I grow up....I think I've found a fit. This is my field. I excel here and for that reason I know I'll go far.

Thanks for reading. ;)

2009-09-16T09:57:00.005-07:00

Wow! So for the first time since I started this blog I have some really amazing news to share.
1. I'm FINALLY moving in with my amazing boyfriend :) (I'm thrilled!)
2. I GOT THE JOB! Not only did I get the job but they qualified me for the more experienced and higher payed position! The whole process took three weeks but in reality that's super fast.
MON. Called to set up interview #1 for Fri.
FRI. Interview #1 went AMAZING.
MON. Labour day.
TUES. They called to set up interview #2 for Thurs.
THUR. Interview #2 was basically them telling me how things will go ...assuring me that they 'will' train me. VERY PROMISING.
MON. They called to say I got the job!!!
TUES. HR called to make the OFFICIAL OFFER (which is more money than I've ever made before!)
So that may seem like a long process but really the only time I was waiting for them was over the weekends....I think they were pretty eager. The one girl in the interview commented that this would be the fastest that they will have ever hired someone...I knew then that it was mostly in the bag.
Me and my wonderful boyfriend had decided that if I got this job then it would make the most sense to move in with him because he lives within 5 mins of both my jobs.
So that's the plan. I told him I wanted to wait a little while still but I think it will be awesome when it happens.
Ok a little whinning: My friend (we'll call her Karen) is always on my case and acting bitchy about stupid little things. We were supposed to meet at a local used book store and she called me 15 mins before to say she was on her way. I told her I'd be there in like 15 mins because I was in the middle of something....that should be fine right? But she made this little ..."oh...uh....I guess that's Ok. I'll be WAITING for you inside..." She does this all the time so I'm used to it. When I got there I called her and she didn't answer as I saw her walking to the front door....so in actuality we were there within 30 seconds of each other....That makes me mad. Why doesn't she see that? EVERYTHING is on her scedule or it "rude". This is something that she has picked up from her bastard of a loser husband. Things like: She's not allowed to answer the phone or texts while he's home....ever, because it's disrespectful of him. HE PLAYS VIDEO GAMES TILL HE GOES TO BED! He comes home from lunch and never even says hi to his new baby boy...he just goes to the computer and plays games and then goes back to work.
I HATE this whole nonsense with Married vs. Single. Her life is infinitely more important than mine because she has a "husband" to worry about. Just because my boyfriend isn't my husband doesn't mean he deserves any less consideration or respect than her husband.
One last thing: When is she going to stop pressuring me to get married????????????? We've only been dating for like 8 months. I love him to death and I hope that if things continue as well as they had that we will get married....in like 2-3 YEARS. Every time we talk about him that's where she takes it. We were at the bookstore and on one of the endcaps was a book called "how to get him to pop the question" and she goes, "Jayne, should I get this for (we'll call him David) David?"
This has to be the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER. Karen and her husband were only dating for like 2 months before they got engaged. I think most people would consider that a really bad move to make. They were married 3 months later. So now, Karen compares everyone else's relationship to HERS. And She things that if it's not moving as fast as hers then it's not as good as hers. Always saying things like, "Me and Brad were married before we were even together for 6 months! Don't worry, I'm sure it will happen for you EVENTUALLY. Just because you guys aren't as madly in love as we are and moving at the speed of light doesn't mean your relationship is bad...exactly...."
Here's the thing: When Karen first found out she was pregnant she was petrified. She was going on and on about how she regretted getting married before she actually knew Brad. She was alsoextremely afraid that Brad would kidnap her baby and take him to Germany (Crazy, right?) which is exactly what his father had done with him.....That fateful night, Karen had called me to come over because, yet again, Brad's rage had exploded and she didn't feel safe. (an amazing catch he is) He called, didn't make a single semblance of an appology, and she was hurrying home to her loving hubby.....as if nothing had happened.
I'm just bitching again. But really it's been an awesome couple of days.

Living at "home"

2009-08-22T17:13:00.004-07:00

So, since moving back into my mother's house I have been spending as little time at home as possible. When my mother gets home, I leave. When She goes to work I go home once or twice a week to change out the laundry in my suitcase. I eat a bagel. Watch some cable. Use up some of the free wireless. I realize that someone has been using my damned coffee creamer. All I ask is that they not drink my creamer and please, please, please leave the washing machines empty so that I can do a load of laundry now and again.

It's awkward to say the least. It's not home again. I'm not sure what the name for that phenomenon is but I've heard of people talking about it again. Before I get home again I'll have to buy my own house. Have my own babies. That's so far away for me and I miss home. I don't really live anywhere right now. Home is where your stuff is? No. Home is where your heart is? No. I live three places right now. My mother's house, my boyfriends house, and work (where I spend three nights a week). How depressing. At least now my kitties aren't alone all day. When I had my own place and was paying way too much rent for a place I never was, they would spend 4 days a week alone. They are much happier now. Not always so happy to see me anymore.

Today me and Adam were going to work on our resumes. We ended up having sex and going out for gilato. Now we're making pizza on the grill. I haven't made pizza dough since I was a little kid. it smells so good. I love that yeasty smell. Well, I'm sure it's done rising now. mmmmmm....

Sad but true.

2009-08-20T16:28:00.004-07:00

I don't like how things are looking these days. Not just for my life but this blog as well. Well, maybe this blog is a reflection of my life and that's why it is so pathetic and full of mysery and complaints. I was checking other blogs today, looking for inspiration for my life/blog and stumbled on this-------> {http://www.positivityblog.com/} and just the name made me feel guilty for dwelling in negativity. (things like: the cat puked on my bed and everyone's life is awesome except for mine :( )

In fact I'll steal just one quote :

"Don't wait until everything is just right.

It will never be perfect.

There will always be challenges, obstacles and less

than perfect conditions. So What.

Get started now. With each step you take,

you will grow stronger and stronger,

more and more skilled, more and

more self-confident

and more and more successful."

Mark Victor Hansen

That says it for me. What really am I waiting for? ....me.

So true.

....This week ain't lookin' better....

2009-08-17T15:55:00.008-07:00

Ok, So by this week I was supposed to be doing much, much better and am not. Where to start? I think I'm on the verge of having a small panic attack. I can feel it in my back and in my chest. How do you deal with an asinine electric company? A lying and evil co-worker? A crying boyfriend? A financial life that is thoroughly out of control? All questions I don't have answers to. They say you should just start one little bit at a time....Um, I guess you start by writing in your blog, which nobody reads. You complain to people who wouldn't care even if they were able to find and read your blog. Ok, take a step back....I need inspiration. Who's inspirational?
Do you have a movie that always gets you going? Just a single scene that gets your creative juices flowing and gets you out of your funk? A song? A picture? A friend? ...If you're reading this and you do...I'd really like to hear it.

Right now, the movie I'm gonna watch is Death Proof. Tarantio. The scene where the girls turn on the bastard in the Death Proof car and beat the sh*t out of him ;) that might just do it.

Worst week ever.

2009-08-15T07:49:00.007-07:00

Week's Tally:

Co-workers that hate me: probably all due to one malicious lady.

Family arguments: 2

Bouts of the flu: 1

Optimistic outlooks: Almost a whole one....I'm trying.

GAHHHHH! Why does everything all go to crap at the same time? WOW. If only I could write the details (nobody wants to read 20 pages of complaints). Suffice it to say that I thought I was getting promoted Friday but I was actually getting reprimanded for allegedly telling my co-worker to try and get my boss to quit. HA! Luckily the person claiming this nonsense is a less than trustworthy person. The supervisors in the meeting saw right through her bull.

My week has been the most horrible roller coaster. I had a huge fight with my brother and the next day with my mother. Then, I heard some terribly disturbing news from and old friend that just tore me up a bit. After all of that I (not so wisely) decided to have a few glasses of wine and some dinner with my loving boyfriend. I spend the rest of the night puking and crying because I was so stressed out. I've had much, much more than that to drink before and never been sick. (who gets sick on wine???) I also spent the entire next day in bed unable to keep anything down.

So Friday, physically and emotionally drained I attended that meeting which was supposed to be good and turned out to be horrible.

Maybe all this is the kick I need to get my life in gear again.

My current job pays just enough of the bills to keep me from going under but is apparently up to its ears is lying, brown nosing backstabbers.

My issues with my family, which I thought had ended with my parents marriage (I know better than that...) have reared their ugly heads again. I have to figure out how I'm going to deal with that. GAHHHH! I blame this all on myself really.

* I trust people I shouldn't.

* I let other peoples bad news factor into my already horribly emotional state.

* I don't take positive steps to improve my life until it's going to hell.

The good news???? That flu/food poisoning/full emotional breakdown (that's what my therapist had suggested it was) only really lasted for 24 hrs.

I feel full of energy today. I feel like there is something I can do about my life. Why do I let this get so out of control before getting in there to fix it???? Anyhow, if it is all my fault then I'm the one that can fix it.

Dang, where to begin? (Regina Spektor and coffee.)

To-Do

2009-07-08T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering what to do next. I just made a mental list of things that I need to do: (I'm putting it here...so ...no longer "note-to-self" type list)
1. Go to bank. (have many checks to deposit--Thank Goodness)
2. Dishes.
3. Laundry.
4. Write in blog. (check)
5. Check email (don't want to)
6. Put my bed together*.

*This last one is the one that gets me to thinking the most. I honestly don't want to put it together. Maybe this is because in the back of my mind I figure it will just be a waste of time because I'll be moving out again soon. I'm not really sure that's true but honestly I'm not going to admit that I accept that I'll be living with my mother for a while by putting it together.....and plus I sleep just fine with the mattress and box spring on the floor. I have more things to do that will get me out of this house than things I'm willing to do that will make it more comfortable for me to stay. So there. I'm not making the bed. I'm gonna take a shower and go to the bank. Screw the dishes.

But before we go there....I walked into the closed closet door last night. I have a lovely little bump on my right eyebrow to prove it. I woke up the instant it happened. I don't know if it was the sound that woke me or the pain but I realized a few seconds later that I may have taken a little too much anti-histamine to help me sleep. I shouldn't have needed it. I was exhausted anyway.

7. Shower. (doing it now.)

Introduction

2009-07-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm 25, underemployed, living with my mother (again for the first time in over 3 years) here In Tucson. I just graduated from the University of Arizona and now I'm taking a little break after being a full time student for the last oh, 20 years ( I deserve it). I've also been at least part time employed since I was 18. It's not easy but now it's done....I miss it. Now I have way too much time to assess my life and get other things taken care of. I now have no legitimate excuse to not make it to my mother's house (oh, and I live there again.), I have not excuse to not eat better, exercise more, perfect my resume, organize my closet, change my oil, read a novel. I'm a procrastinator by nature but somehow it's no longer a valid way of going about things. I work three overnight shifts a week and now the rest of my days are spent watching crap TV and playing the Sims3.

So that's where I'm at. Right here, right now, I'm in an immobile position. I'm unmotivated to find a real job because all I ever hear on CNN is how impossible it is. I'm unmotivated to clean my newly reduced living quarters because....well, I had a one bedroom with a garage and a yard and a cute as hell kitchen. I had it all going for me and now I'm living with my poor little kitties at Mom's house once again. ...rambling...

We'll see how far I get from here...starting now.